Unoriginal Sin

Hiya,

I just wanted to write something for everyone living a lie, for everyone too scared to be themselves, for everyone who isn't even sure who they are anymore...

I remember school, I remember trying to fit in with the boys because the girls rejected me for being something I didn't even like. I remember three years of trying to be what everyone else seemed to do naturally. I remember two years trying to be as insignificant as possible so as to become invisible because I couldn't cope anymore. I remember forcing my mind into a shape it didn't fit so I could survive two years in the sixth form and how miserable and lonely I felt all through that time. And I remember two terms of university where I ran on automatic, put forward a persona that did what people expected and deflected every personal question away from thought while I slowly broke down behind the scenes where no one could see, staring into mirrors, fighting with my mind...

You can get through this and you can be happy. You can be yourself and feel like yourself and actually have people accept you as that. You can reach the point where you don't have to act you can just be and people will see whatever you do as what you did not some kind of watered down or 'comical' behaviour. It can happen. Don't lose hope.

I hope no one minds but I'd like to post a poem I wrote when I was 17:

A reoccurring theme was that I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be popular and normal but I was incapable of doing so. It took hormones and a redefinition of myself as female to ever feel I could relate to people as a person and be recognized as myself...

Zöe.

I hope this helps someone.
Things do get better.