My own child is transsexual - male to female, and transitioned in her late teens. This is a very brief resume of some of the stresses and practical problems facing a family with such a child, who may still be at school or college, and is probably still living at home.
Knowing that they have a considerable problem to face will undoubtedly cause the young transsexual an enormous amount of stress. They will probably spend a great deal of time worrying about their situation, and so may have difficulty concentrating on their schoolwork. They may also find it difficult to relate well to fellow students or workmates. If they have changed roles they may live in constant fear of being found out.
They may worry considerably about their appearance - do they look and sound convincing? Sometimes they may even become quite paranoid about these, and may seek constant reassurance and encouragement, which can be extremely trying. They will undoubtedly worry about the way their body is gradually changing in a direction that they find more and more unpleasant, for instance the growth of breasts in someone who is Female to Male, or the growth and spread of facial and body hair in someone who is Male to Female.
If they are seeking professional help, but are not yet receiving treatment, there may be a roller coaster effect of hope building up prior to each appointment with their doctor or psychiatrist, followed by a plunge into disappointment and despair when they feel that no progress has been made. The resulting depression and stress can sometimes drive them to self mutilate, or even attempt suicide. The young transsexual may lurch from one crisis to the next, with their family living in constant fear and worry.
Another big problem their family and friends will have to face is having to get used to the new name and pronouns - some young transsexuals don't mind too much when their nearest and dearest inadvertently use the old name and muddle up he's and she's; others are very hurt, and may unwittingly cause offence with the severity of their reaction.
The young transsexual can be a constant source of heartaches and headaches for those who love them - so how do we cope? The essential tools are:
For instance, with my child, a slip up over the he's and she's, and the use of the wrong name originally caused problems for us - she would glare at us and try to make us feel really guilty. I thought up what I now call the "Ding Method" of reminding offenders. Instead of just giving us a bad reaction - which actually just annoyed us instead of getting us on her side - I suggested that if she caught anyone out, she should just make a funny noise, like Ding, Ba-boom or Bong! She chose Ding - this worked a treat. It not only reminded us when we'd made a boo-boo, it also made us all laugh. It made the situation lighter for us all, and it helped us to learn more quickly.
So if you're in a similar situation, find out as much information on the subject as you can - it's worth contacting some of the adult transgender support groups as they can also provide valuable information. Most importantly, ask your young transsexual how best you can help them. Be patient with them - this problem takes time to sort out. But also ask them to be patient with you - no-one can change their identity almost overnight and expect everyone else to keep up with them. Especially not their parents, who actually chose that hated old name in the first place!